Hawke is The New Phoenix
by Eva Inevitable
Summary: After the events of Here Lies the Abyss a devastated Varric must harden his heart in order to write the endless, painful letters about the Champion of Kirkwall's tragic fate. But when Fenris receives his letter he is not prepared to let go of Hawke and cannot accept her death. If that means he has to march right up to Skyhold then so be it.


**Obviously I didn't leave Hawke behind I left Shroud but I just wanted to write this little what if. I deliberately haven't described the appearance of the Inquisitor in great detail so that you can imagine your own. I could always maybe have a few light-hearted chapters after this with Hawke just interacting with others at Skyhold.**

 **Stay Epic**

 **-Eva Inevitable**

* * *

The Hawke Is The New Phoenix

"Varric!?" Fenris yelled in the Skyhold courtyard. He snarled at anyone who got in his way or anyone that even got remotely near him.

"VARRIC!" he shrieked just as a flood of soldiers immediately encircled the unstable elf. Cullen appeared and walked towards his uneasy men.

"Stand down. He is not our enemy. I let him through the gates. Fenris…I'm sure you've heard. I am so-"

"Enough. Where is Varric?" To the guards Fenris was the fox who had infiltrated the hen house, but Cullen could see the truth behind the elf's anger.

Slowly, Cullen moved aside and pointed to where Varric usually resided. As Fenris charged off a soldier cleared his throat behind Cullen.

"Commander…uh…are you sure that was wise-"

"Return to your posts."

They stared at him.

"Now."

As soon as Fenris saw Varric he stopped dead in his tracks and his fury momentarily dissipated. The usual jovial rogue looked completely broken. When he looked up and saw Fenris what little colour he had in his face drained away completely.

"Fenris…"

Fenris took a hesitant step forward. "Varric…please. Tell me this is just some ridiculous joke. Hawke _can't_ be gone. I won't allow it."

For once Varric couldn't even form the words. He just looked at Fenris and his devastated expression was worth a thousand words. Fenris recoiled and felt his heart drop even further than when he had first read Varric's letter. His rage returned- it was his only coping mechanism. Suddenly, he grabbed Varric by the collar.

"Where is she!?"

"She's gone Fenris!" Varric cried.

"The _Inquisitor_! Where is the Inquisitor!?" he shrieked.

"This isn't her fault Fen-"

"WHERE IS SHE?"

They both sensed a presence behind them and there she stood.

"I am so sorry," the Inquisitor whispered but before she could say anything more Fenris lunged at her and held her against the wall. To Varric's horror his markings were glowing an intense blue. The Inquisitor was in danger of getting her heart ripped out from her ribcage. Immediately, people ran in to help thei Herald but she flashed a palm telling them to stop. She never looked away from Fenris.

"Hawke made her choice and there was nothing we could have done-"

Fenris made a noise just above a growl and tightened his grip but the Inquisitor did not flinch.

"She sacrificed herself so that we could escape the-"

Deciding he had heard enough, Fenris raised his hand so fast nobody had time to properly react except to take a sharp intake of breath.

But Fenris stopped. His glowing markings slowly faded and he closed his eyes. Sighing deeply, he released her. Varric felt his throat tighten as he watched his friend walk away-a hollow shell of the man he used to be.

"Wait," the Inquisitor pleaded and Fenris stopped walking.

"I never saw her body."

There was a long agonising silence.

Fenris turned around but still did not say a word.

"I never saw her body," she repeated. "Hawke may still be alive if you just hold hope…"

Varric was aghast. "If you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting why are we still standing around."

Fenris looked up at the bright sky and allowed the tiniest glimmer of hope to enter his aching heart.

* * *

The Inquisitor, Varric and Fenris were combing the remains of the crumbling Adamant Fortress. They knew it was a wasted effort. Hawke had remained in the Fade and was lost forever. They knew that the chances of her evading the beast she was battling _and_ to escape the Fade in time were slim to none. She had closed the rift once they had escaped and it wouldn't just reopen… But if it gave Fenris and Varric closure then the Inquisitor was prepared to keep looking. She had asked her advisors to handle some of the matters she was supposed to deal with that evening. This was her top priority for the moment.

The sun had long ago drowned in the horizon but the sky was so grey and lifeless you couldn't tell. Varric was the first to stop searching and sank back onto his knees. He rubbed at his eyes and tried to clear the lump in his throat. "Dammit Hawke," he muttered clasping his hands in front of him. The Inquisitor caught him in the corner of her eye and sighed. Varric could see the guilt in her eyes. Fenris had doubled checked the same hallway repeatedly and searched without stopping.

"Fenris…" Varric ventured as he watched him frantically pace back and forth.

Fenris slammed his fist into the wall with such force the wall crumbled, before his shoulders sagged and he leaned his head against the cold stone.

After a few long agonising moments he pushed himself off the wall and began to walk back the way they had come. The Inquisitor looked back at Varric before following close behind Fenris. Sighing, Varric dusted himself off and stared up at the sky before grudgingly following.

He couldn't help but feel that he was leaving his best friend behind forever.

* * *

The journey back to Skyhold was made in almost complete silence. It was exactly what Varric expected they would find-nothing. He looked at the back of Fenris' head wondering if the elf would ever forgive himself. A small part of Varric wished that Fenris had been more angry with him and attacked him unleashing his rage. Varric felt he deserved it. After all, it had been his own damn fault since he was the one who had pulled Hawke into the Inquisition's mess in the first place. Now the world was less off because of it. The Inquisitor squinted as she spotted a dark shape moving through the snow and pulled on the reins of her horse. She signalled Varric and Fenris to be wary. The figure paused before slumping into the snow and disappeared from sight. The three moved closer and the more they approached, the easier it was to make out a grey garment among the endless white. Someone was on their knees and clutching a cloak around themselves with shaking hands. As the figure stood up and turned around their grey hood fluttered down to reveal dark hair and-

Fenris was running. His legs were moving almost on their own accord.

"Ffff-ffe-fe-fenris," Hawke reached out her hand and took a single step before her knees gave and she fell forward. Fenris was there to catch her and he sank into the snow cradling her in his arms.

"Oh thank the Maker," Varric whispered as he fell to his knees beside them.

Hawke blinked but couldn't move much else. She groaned as she tried to sit up but strong arms held her tight.

"Fenris? Varric? Is th-that re-really you or are you both just… _urgh_ are you demons? Because I am _really_ not in the mm-mood," Hawke said between shivers. Fenris slowly placed his head against Hawke's and wrapped his black coat around her. It was several seconds before Hawke even noticed the Inquisitor.

"I am so sorry. Forgive me," the Inquisitor softly pleaded as she moved her hair out of her face that the icy wind was blowing about.

Hawke tried to scoff but she ended up coughing which only panicked everyone present. Hawke placed her hand on Fenris' shoulder to reassure him before she turned back to the guilt ridden Inquisitor. "Sorry? Don't be…sorry. I charged in knowing d-dd-damn well the…the consequences, I meant what I said back in the Fade. Corypheus is still my fight." Hawke's teeth were clattering together like crazy.

"Hawke you need to shut up. You sound like a drunk darkspawn," Varric half-heartedly joked. Hawke laughed but it only caused her to winch as her ribs hurt. Gently, Fenris picked her up bridal style making sure to keep the cloak and his coat wrapped tightly around her.

The Inquisitor smiled. "Let's go get you treated Champion." Hawke returned the smile just as she felt herself losing consciousness.

"Thank you Herald of Andraste," Hawke drawled sarcastically before she

closed her eyes and drifted off, safe in Fenris' arms.

* * *

When Hawke opened her eyes she was lying in an extravagant four poster bed. She sighed contently and threw herself back onto the soft pillow and smiled.

"Hawke!" Varric and the Inquisitor were immediately hovering beside her.

"Look Hawke, I know I like to write tragedies but I don't exactly love experiencing them. They belong on the page. A hero doesn't need to die in the end to be the hero. Alright you idiot?"

"Noted but hey…I'm fine guys. It'll take more than that to take me out," Hawke grinned sheepishly.

"And just what the hell were you doing trekking by yourself in a snow storm anyway!?" Varric cried lightly punching her on the shoulder.

"And what about the Fade?" the Inquisitor added quickly and Hawke just laughed.

"It's a long story that involves a juggler, a nug, a grey warden and a drunk old lady. I'll tell you it over a game of Wicked Grace later. Besides, I heard the Herald of Andraste had a little trek of her own through a snow storm after the battle at Haven. We heroes have to have _style_ Varric, you of all people should know that."

The Inquisitor folded her arms but smiled despite herself. Varric squeezed Hawke's hand before enclosing it with both of his own. Hawke looked behind them and her face fell ever so slightly at the absence of a certain someone. The Inquisitor caught the look of worry in the Champion's emerald eyes and quickly pointed at the chair beside the bed.

"He sat there all night and would not budge. He's bound to have one serious crick in his neck," the Herald laughed but then realised she never specified who. "Oh not Varric your other-uh- friend-"

Varric interrupted the now babbling Inquisitor. "Broody will be back in a moment. He's on the roof because he got it into his thick skull that he could hear footsteps and went to investigate, oh you know, just in case _assassins_ somehow managed to infiltrate Skyhold and get past Cullen's defences to drag the Champion from the Inquisitor's chambers." He shook his head at the elf's crazy paranoia. The Inquisitor smiled to herself. Hawke was very lucky. In more ways than one.

Varric straightened up all of a sudden after looking over at the balcony. "Say your Inquisitorialness, can I borrow you for a second? I've been thinking…a phoenix rises from the ashes and becomes stronger when they die but what about a hawk? Now I'm sure there's a story there…" He steered the Herald out of the room by the shoulders and winked at Hawke. The door shut behind them. Hawke frowned after him until she heard that velvety voice that never failed to melt her heart.

"So…Hawke is it do as I say not as I do then? Because you did an excellent job of doing exactly what you told _me_ not to do," Fenris was leaning on the archway frame that led out to the balcony. Hawke's face instantly lit up. She kicked off the blankets and practically sprinted at Fenris. She crashed into him and he immediately wrapped his arms around her, holding her close with his head resting on top of hers.

"Hawke you told me not to disregard my life. That I was forbidden to sacrifice myself for the "greater good." You told me that anyone could die fighting for something they believed in but fighting to live for something was for the bravest of warriors. You-"

"-I'm sorry for being a hypocrite," she murmured into his shoulder cutting him off. Fenris sighed and looked directly into her eyes.

"Don't ever do that to me again," he pleaded. Hawke placed her hands on either side of his face and gently brought her lips to his.

"I promise Fen."

He scoffed. "You promise until the next big battle right? The next life or death situation." She rolled her eyes at his comment but couldn't help but smile. She'd had enough drama.

"You do realise I'm not letting you out of my sight after this?"

"Oh _lucky_ me," Hawke drawled and her voice dripped with sarcasm.

"I'm serious Hawke. I'm not letting you rush off again on your own dangerous pilgrimage. Not without me."

Hawke sighed and was just about to argue when Fenris put his hand on her shoulder and took something from his pocket. It was the red ribbon she had given him years ago back in Kirkwall. He tied it around both their wrists and gave her a pointed look.

"I'm serious," he repeated.

"I can see that."

Hawke was pretending to make light of the situation but she was genuinely moved by his actions. She loved that he still held on to that little token. That bright ribbon she had given on a spur of the moment. She had never seem him so…shaken? She had more than just scared him with her stunt. She sure as hell had scared herself.

"Fenris…I'm okay now."

He looked away and didn't respond for several agonising seconds. "You left me," he sounded so broken that it made Hawke's blood freeze.

"When I received Varric's letter that you…you were dead…I couldn't accept that you were just _gone_."

Those words he had once spoken to her in Kirkwall resurfaced in her mind as she looked up at him.

 _Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you._

Oh Fenris.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him properly this time. Immediately, Fenris' arms slid around her waist to hold her even closer, still not quite believing that she was here again. His world had been destroyed and suddenly it had been mended once more.

"I love you," Fenris suddenly whispered into her shoulder and Hawke felt her breath hitch. He finally said it. There was never any doubt in her mind that Fenris didn't love her but he had never said those three words together. Never quite been able to form them.

"I will always love you Fenris," Hawke smiled up at him and he hugged her once more practically crushing her in the process.

"Can I ask why you're hanging outside your _own_ chambers?" Dorian asked the Inquisitor and Varric who were failing at "acting natural" as they suspiciously leaned against the entrance to her rooms.

* * *

"Sssh!" The Inquisitor smacked her hand over Dorian's mouth and Varric motioned for him to shut up.

"We're giving Hawke some privacy," she told Dorian.

His eyes widened. "Ahh I see. That'll why you have your ears pressed up against the door…very private."

The Inquisitor and Varric gave him an unamused glance.

"Oh is she with that dashing tattooed elf. I might have to introduce myself…"

"Woah! Woah! Woah! Back up! Tevinter Trouble alert with a capital T," Varric made a T with his arms to prove his point. "Fenris can handle mages now, we've worked on it…but a _Tevinter_ mage….nope. Let's avoid that for the moment. In fact… let's avoid that awkward and possibly fatal meeting for a very long long while yet." Varric strongly suggested.

Dorian tutted. "Pity. He is quite the sight to look at. He's like a piece of art."

Before Varric could respond to that the door opened and the trio attempted to look "natural."

Hawke nearly walked straight into Varric and she rolled her eyes at him but smiled and Fenris didn't react at all. Instead, he was looking straight at the Inquisitor.

"Herald of Andrastre," Fernris announced.

The Inquisitor straightened up at the use of her mystical title. Fenris then looked at Hawke before turning back to the Inquisitor.

"Is there room for two more in your Inquisition.?"

Hawke's mouth just about hit the floor which made it blatantly obvious that the pair had _not_ previously discussed this matter. Varric laughed, Dorian nodded in approval and when the Inquisitor got over her initial shock she extended her hand out to Fenris.

"Welcome to the Inquisition."


End file.
